Saturday Morning Thoughts
Wow,
It's been almost two years since I wrote my last blog post. I don't know what it is about this morning that compelled me to start this up again. It could be the pregnancy hormones making me feel nostalgic, or because I left my family last week and the aching for home is still so heavy on my heart and writing somehow numbs the pain.
A lot has happened since I wrote my last blog post. No surprise to my family and friends, but we're expecting a little Martonen in June! We started talking about growing our family in the summer, and it was quite a surprise when we found out we were pregnant after trying for only a month. We realize this isn't the case for most couples, so we feel very grateful that "it worked" after little trying. Something we definitely don't take for granted.
As I'm sure most couples can attest to, there's a range of emotions you feel when you find out you're bringing a new life into the world. My immediate thought was, "Holy shit, it's positive. Can this be real?" Followed with miscarriage anxiety, and taking too many additional pregnancy tests just to make sure. When I told Kota, he honestly thought I was joking. Once the reality set in, I immediately felt fear. That sounds strange, right? Something I've wanted for years suddenly brought me fear. I was afraid that we weren't emotionally ready, or financially stable enough, or even the slightest bit prepared to take care of another human being. But most of all, I was afraid of losing the baby. I realize now that these feelings are completely normal, and nothing I should be ashamed of.
We found out back in October, so now that it's been a few months we've been able to feel a wide range of emotions, mostly happy, now that its finally hit us that we're going to be parents. Over the Christmas holiday we got to visit my family and friends back in California and share the happy news. My family is absolutely thrilled, especially my parents, who will be first time grandparents. Which leads me to the real reason I wrote this blog.
The thought of raising our baby without my parents living close by breaks my heart. Growing up, my grandparents were such a big part of my life. They helped my parents with early childcare to make the transition back to work easier for them, and took my brother and I when they needed a little extra sleep after a rough night. And as I got older they would pick us up from school and take me over to their house where my Papa would teach me how to play a mean game of poker.
What I'm realizing now is that it takes a village to raise children, and grandparents are a huge part of that village. I just wish my family lived closer to share all of these special moments with us. Whenever I'm home, I never take for granted all the hugs, and special moments I share with my family. Though, it still doesn't take away the aching for them when I'm back in Montana.
If you're lucky enough to live near your parents, hug them tight and never take it for granted. As for me, and the rest who understand what it's like to live far from your family, we will be okay. We will have hard days, and times that we just wish we lived closer, but we will be okay. For us, it just makes the time we spend with them extra special and more meaningful. With my job I'm lucky to have summers off, so I know my baby will be able to spend a few special weeks with their grandparents.
I already feel better after sharing my "public diary." Thanks for listening.
- Lex
Also, how terrified does Lula look in this picture? It makes me laugh!
It's been almost two years since I wrote my last blog post. I don't know what it is about this morning that compelled me to start this up again. It could be the pregnancy hormones making me feel nostalgic, or because I left my family last week and the aching for home is still so heavy on my heart and writing somehow numbs the pain.
A lot has happened since I wrote my last blog post. No surprise to my family and friends, but we're expecting a little Martonen in June! We started talking about growing our family in the summer, and it was quite a surprise when we found out we were pregnant after trying for only a month. We realize this isn't the case for most couples, so we feel very grateful that "it worked" after little trying. Something we definitely don't take for granted.
As I'm sure most couples can attest to, there's a range of emotions you feel when you find out you're bringing a new life into the world. My immediate thought was, "Holy shit, it's positive. Can this be real?" Followed with miscarriage anxiety, and taking too many additional pregnancy tests just to make sure. When I told Kota, he honestly thought I was joking. Once the reality set in, I immediately felt fear. That sounds strange, right? Something I've wanted for years suddenly brought me fear. I was afraid that we weren't emotionally ready, or financially stable enough, or even the slightest bit prepared to take care of another human being. But most of all, I was afraid of losing the baby. I realize now that these feelings are completely normal, and nothing I should be ashamed of.
We found out back in October, so now that it's been a few months we've been able to feel a wide range of emotions, mostly happy, now that its finally hit us that we're going to be parents. Over the Christmas holiday we got to visit my family and friends back in California and share the happy news. My family is absolutely thrilled, especially my parents, who will be first time grandparents. Which leads me to the real reason I wrote this blog.
The thought of raising our baby without my parents living close by breaks my heart. Growing up, my grandparents were such a big part of my life. They helped my parents with early childcare to make the transition back to work easier for them, and took my brother and I when they needed a little extra sleep after a rough night. And as I got older they would pick us up from school and take me over to their house where my Papa would teach me how to play a mean game of poker.
What I'm realizing now is that it takes a village to raise children, and grandparents are a huge part of that village. I just wish my family lived closer to share all of these special moments with us. Whenever I'm home, I never take for granted all the hugs, and special moments I share with my family. Though, it still doesn't take away the aching for them when I'm back in Montana.
If you're lucky enough to live near your parents, hug them tight and never take it for granted. As for me, and the rest who understand what it's like to live far from your family, we will be okay. We will have hard days, and times that we just wish we lived closer, but we will be okay. For us, it just makes the time we spend with them extra special and more meaningful. With my job I'm lucky to have summers off, so I know my baby will be able to spend a few special weeks with their grandparents.
I already feel better after sharing my "public diary." Thanks for listening.
- Lex
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