Let's Talk About Love Language
Love-Languages-
Has anyone heard of the term?
I have! The love language terminology rolled around into our relationship after our 3rd year of dating. What is it you might ask? Well.. We consider it the road to happiness in our marriage. I can imagine why many marriages fail because their love languages were never learned or practiced.
Let's break it down. Everyone is born with a certain way of showing or communicating love, AKA love-language. For me, I show love by giving gifts. I'm not talking about anything grand.. (Sorry babe, can't afford Dallas Cowboys season tickets), but small things.. like finding my husband's favorite beer and surprising him with it when he gets home from work, or leaving him a little love note in his lunchbox.
In addition to giving gifts as love, I feel most loved when my husband finds little ways to surprise me with gifts.. flowers, a cute note on my car, etc. Again, nothing grand.. (Even though I wouldn't be mad if he surprised me with a new MK handbag). Kidding babe.. I know you're reading this.
Although, my husband doesn't have the same love language as me. In fact, a lot of couples don't automatically have the same love language as their spouse. The kicker is that you have to learn your spouse's language.. which might be completely foreign to you. Haven't you ever started talking to someone assuming they speak English and WHAM.. a completely different language comes out of their mouth and you have no idea how to respond? Yeah, that's a lot like learning a new love language. Learning it is hard, but practicing it and successfully showing it to your spouse can be even more difficult and frustrating in the beginning.
My husband gave me permission to tell his personal struggle with learning my love language. Dakota's primary love language is Acts of Service. In other words, he shows me how much loves me by doing things like folding my laundry, cooking dinner, cleaning up the house, etc. It's how he gives and receives love. Therefore, if I do acts of service for him everyday like making his lunch, or cooking him a special dinner his love tank will be full. Full love tanks in both spouses equals happy marriage. Seems pretty easy right? WRONG.
After we both read the book, The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, we tried practicing new ways to love each other. Dakota told me I "mastered" his love language pretty quickly, but he didn't have the same success mastering mine.
Giving gifts was like speaking a foreign language for Dakota. He felt out of his comfort zone trying something new and different. It didn't come easy for him. Sometimes he got so frustrated learning it that he wouldn't practice it as often, and then I became frustrated. It was hard for me to speak his love language when he wasn't speaking mine, and our love tanks would start to empty. After years of practice, it's becoming less difficult for him. Though, it still takes a conscious effort for us to speak each other's love language.
You're probably wondering, why is all of this important?
It's important because it's literally the concrete that holds marriages together. I truly, wholeheartedly believe that. So many couples expect their marriages to always stay in the honeymoon stage, but the reality is... you need to learn how to fill each other's love tanks so it feels like a honeymoon everyday.. and that's by learning each other's love languages.
The first step in learning love languages is by reading the book, The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. He does have a free quiz online to pinpoint your love language without reading the book, but I highly recommend that both spouses read the book because it teaches you the tools you'll need to successfully master another language.
After the reading is done, it's time for practice. Remember, it's going to feel weird and foreign at first, but with a conscious effort, you'll be speaking each other's love language in no time. Don't give up! I promise it makes a HUGE positive impact if both spouses read it and practice it.. and you don't need to be married to try this. We learned it when we were dating and that contributed to us getting married because it strengthened our relationship so much. Is our relationship perfect now because of this? Absolutely not- We contemplate killing each other every other day (in a loving way), but it has strengthened our marriage in places we didn't know needed strength.
I decided to blog about this because it's something we're so passionate about, and I feel like a lot of couples don't know about the Love Languages and how they can greatly improve your marriage. Let me know if you decide to try this! I'd love to hear how it changes your relationship.
Love,
Lex
Has anyone heard of the term?
I have! The love language terminology rolled around into our relationship after our 3rd year of dating. What is it you might ask? Well.. We consider it the road to happiness in our marriage. I can imagine why many marriages fail because their love languages were never learned or practiced.
Let's break it down. Everyone is born with a certain way of showing or communicating love, AKA love-language. For me, I show love by giving gifts. I'm not talking about anything grand.. (Sorry babe, can't afford Dallas Cowboys season tickets), but small things.. like finding my husband's favorite beer and surprising him with it when he gets home from work, or leaving him a little love note in his lunchbox.
In addition to giving gifts as love, I feel most loved when my husband finds little ways to surprise me with gifts.. flowers, a cute note on my car, etc. Again, nothing grand.. (Even though I wouldn't be mad if he surprised me with a new MK handbag). Kidding babe.. I know you're reading this.
Although, my husband doesn't have the same love language as me. In fact, a lot of couples don't automatically have the same love language as their spouse. The kicker is that you have to learn your spouse's language.. which might be completely foreign to you. Haven't you ever started talking to someone assuming they speak English and WHAM.. a completely different language comes out of their mouth and you have no idea how to respond? Yeah, that's a lot like learning a new love language. Learning it is hard, but practicing it and successfully showing it to your spouse can be even more difficult and frustrating in the beginning.
My husband gave me permission to tell his personal struggle with learning my love language. Dakota's primary love language is Acts of Service. In other words, he shows me how much loves me by doing things like folding my laundry, cooking dinner, cleaning up the house, etc. It's how he gives and receives love. Therefore, if I do acts of service for him everyday like making his lunch, or cooking him a special dinner his love tank will be full. Full love tanks in both spouses equals happy marriage. Seems pretty easy right? WRONG.
After we both read the book, The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, we tried practicing new ways to love each other. Dakota told me I "mastered" his love language pretty quickly, but he didn't have the same success mastering mine.
Giving gifts was like speaking a foreign language for Dakota. He felt out of his comfort zone trying something new and different. It didn't come easy for him. Sometimes he got so frustrated learning it that he wouldn't practice it as often, and then I became frustrated. It was hard for me to speak his love language when he wasn't speaking mine, and our love tanks would start to empty. After years of practice, it's becoming less difficult for him. Though, it still takes a conscious effort for us to speak each other's love language.
You're probably wondering, why is all of this important?
It's important because it's literally the concrete that holds marriages together. I truly, wholeheartedly believe that. So many couples expect their marriages to always stay in the honeymoon stage, but the reality is... you need to learn how to fill each other's love tanks so it feels like a honeymoon everyday.. and that's by learning each other's love languages.
The first step in learning love languages is by reading the book, The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. He does have a free quiz online to pinpoint your love language without reading the book, but I highly recommend that both spouses read the book because it teaches you the tools you'll need to successfully master another language.
After the reading is done, it's time for practice. Remember, it's going to feel weird and foreign at first, but with a conscious effort, you'll be speaking each other's love language in no time. Don't give up! I promise it makes a HUGE positive impact if both spouses read it and practice it.. and you don't need to be married to try this. We learned it when we were dating and that contributed to us getting married because it strengthened our relationship so much. Is our relationship perfect now because of this? Absolutely not- We contemplate killing each other every other day (in a loving way), but it has strengthened our marriage in places we didn't know needed strength.
I decided to blog about this because it's something we're so passionate about, and I feel like a lot of couples don't know about the Love Languages and how they can greatly improve your marriage. Let me know if you decide to try this! I'd love to hear how it changes your relationship.
Love,
Lex
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