Compliment Instead of Complete

This past Sunday Dakota and I went to church and the sermon, to our surprise, was all about marriage. To set the record straight, we haven't been going to church regularly. Last Sunday was the first time we've gone in months. Though, it was clear God wanted us there because the message was just too fitting for us.

All my life I've struggled with feeling an emptiness inside me. It comes and goes during different parts of my life. I'm sure this feeling is normal because it seems like everyone has yearned for something to make them feel whole at some point in their lives. The problem is that we often search for material items, a person, or a relationship to make us feel whole.. even though that never seems to fill that void for very long. Perhaps it's because we're looking for the wrong things to make us feel complete.

Pastor Nate talked a lot about how a marriage should compliment you, not complete you. Relationships that rely on a person completing the other end up turning sour.. and I can see why. It's not your spouses job to complete you. That's a HUGE job to put into someones hands.. someone other than God. Though, it seems like our society thrives on finding that perfect "soulmate" to complete us.

I'm going to be honest right off the bat, I used to be one of those people who believed in finding someone to complete me.. for a long time actually.. until I met Dakota.

Dakota was literally the opposite of what I had in mind for a husband. That sounds horrible but I promise it's a blessing. Before meeting him, I pictured a man coming into my life who was completely obsessed with me. Someone who treated me like a princess, even though I'm really just a royal pain in the ass. Someone who did everything for me and never thought I could do anything wrong. Writing that even sounds pathetic because what I got was SO much better. Dakota doesn't treat me like a princess because he knows I'm capable of taking care of myself like the strong, independent woman I really am. He challenges me in ways I never knew I needed to be challenged. When my thoughts are negative he helps me see the positive side. He treats me with respect, kindness, and "occasionally" like a Queen. What I really got was a man who compliments me, instead of completes me.

Shouldn't that be what we all strive for? I have so much baggage that he would need to buy a baggage cart to push all my shit around. It would be a never ending job for Dakota to "fix" me, or complete me. Have I ever expected him to make me happy? Absolutely. I have insecurities like everyone else. I've made plenty of mistakes and relied on him to make me happy.. more than once.. but it never works. It's not his job. It's mine.. and it's God's.

God means different things to other people and that OK. Some people say they don't pray to God, but they believe in a higher power that's their own form of God. You can find your wholeness that way too.

The reason why I wanted to share this (the moral of this blog) is because I know this is something I've struggled with many times for many years, and many of you might struggle with it too. It's so hard to break from the social norm and find wholeness from something other than your spouse. I get it. I've been there. It's just not fair to have them to carry the heavy burden of completing you. God can handle that kind of burden. Leave it up to your spouse to be the one who challenges you and compliments you in ways you never expected, just like mine did. I'm so glad he ended up being what my heart needed instead of what my insecurities wanted.

Ta Ta for now

Love,

Lex